we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
