my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wish I only lived at night.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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