Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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