ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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