The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
