Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
