I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just invented taco cereal.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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