i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
