..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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