Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I need moral support for this bender
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
