my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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