bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
