When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
