Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
