it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize