Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
