This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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