i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
