Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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