Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
When did angry sex become our thing?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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