At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
