Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up under a house in Key West
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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