So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
