Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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