My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
