i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
