im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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