Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she told me i tasted like america
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
