Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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