I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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