She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
