When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All the doctor said was why
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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