I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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