I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
