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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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