Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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