And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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