I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
