That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
