**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
