The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
We're not piercing ourselves today.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
