White coat. Heels.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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