dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
