dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
