is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize