Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
