I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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