He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
