Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
