His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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