wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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