just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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