I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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