the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize