I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
