Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
