You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
