I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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