So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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