Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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