would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
