you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
