Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize