do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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