Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize