why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
