he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize