all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
