i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
