i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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