Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
So apparently I’m into choking now
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
