Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
