i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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