My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
