you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
