actually, I'm a sock model
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
