and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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