I have demons in me.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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