i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize