she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
