I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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