you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
