i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
