I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
