i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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