I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
