Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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