when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
