Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
