Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
