big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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