I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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