Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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