I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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