You're my little dorito
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
