i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You were trust falling into bushes
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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