Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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