i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
