Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
