he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
