The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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