just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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