OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
