I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
