I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize