I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
