Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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