I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
