He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
