I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
