after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
40s are totally the cure
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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