I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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