Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
