They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
