ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize