I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
