i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
