your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
