I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
