You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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