i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
