So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just invented taco cereal.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
