Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize