ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
