I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Come on in and take your pants off
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